A Chinese man has apparently had a knife stuck in his head for FOUR YEARS. When contacted for comment he said, "Duuuh I had a four year headache..."
A Chinese man has apparently had a knife stuck in his head for FOUR YEARS. He said the last thing he remembers was hanging out with Charlie Sheen.
A man was stabbed to death after an auto corrected text led to a misunderstanding. Apparently he sent the text, "Kill you marry me?"
Videos of people performing self-mutilation on you-tube are taking off in front of thousands of viewers. This is what happens when you don't let Charlie Sheen go back to work.
After playing a prank that he shaved his head, Justin Bieber is actually cutting his hair. This is news because Justin Bieber now has pubic hair to cut.
President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad has condemned the protester slayings in Libya calling the government's actions there "unimaginable." He went on to say, "It's ridiculous, they're not even killing any gays of Jews. Jeeeez!"
President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad has condemned the protester slayings in Libya calling the government's actions there "unimaginable." He then said, "Wait, wait, I mean to say AWESOME!"
Lindsay Lohan will not get out of having stolen a necklace without spending six months in jail. But we all know the prison time is really for being a coke whore.
Lindsay Lohan showed up to court in a fairly skimpy white dress and claimed "I was trying to dress conservative damnit!" She went on to say, "You could barely even see my snatch!"
Rihanna has allowed her restraining order against Chris Brown to expire. Critics expect this to be a hit with Chris Brown.
A fight broke out at a Massachusetts Denny's when there was a disagreement about syrup. And as a non participant of that fight, I say, "sweet."
A moviegoer was killed in a screening of Black Swan over a popcorn scuffle. To be fair, it was pretty gross that he was masturbating into the popcorn.
Seventeen Baltimore cops were charged in a scheme over towing people's cars. I tried to reach a few of them for comment, but I was preoccupied trying to figure out where my car went.
Republican Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin responded to a prank call and unveiled sordid information about his desire to crush unions and collective bargaining. The call ended abruptly when Walker left the phone off the hook to go catch his refrigerator.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The Fourth Set
According to the dating site OKCupid, beer drinkers are more likely to have sex on a first date. The reason for this: Supreme intelligence.
Charlie Sheen is very eager to return to work sayi8ng, "Check it, it's like, I heal really quickly, but I unravel really quickly, so get me right now guys," he said as he unraveled with a nice fat line off a hookers asshole
Charlie Sheen has recently suggested that people should avoid crack cocaine UNLESS you can manage it socially. He said if you CAN manage it socially, I would definitely pursue it.
Charlie Sheen has recently suggested that people should avoid crack cocaine UNLESS you can manage it socially. He also said he avoids hookers and pornstars UNLESS they have coacine all over their backs.
The World Health Organization reports that in 2005 6.1 Liters of pure alcohol wer consumed per person. Which makes 2005 the Charlie Sheen of the last decade.
Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan have launched a new Christian TV ministry. They're calling it "Cokies for Christ."
Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan have launched a new Christian TV ministry. She said, "We were leading degrading lives before we found Christ and dedicated our lives to him," as he showed up to court in a clown suit.
President Obama has stated that he wants to have an "adult conversation" between parties about his 2011 budget. Senate Minority leade Mitch McConnell responded by saying, "bowchica-wow-wow!"
Bernie Madoff said from his prison cell that the banks had to have known he was operating a ponzi scheme. But Madoff supposed that they couldn't hear him scream it over the sound of all that burning cash.
Taxpayers paid $450,000 for an F-18 fly-over of a closed Super Bowl stadium roof. And I can see where they are coming from because they are also paying trillions of dollars for a couple of wars that they won't ever even get on DVD.
The guitar hero series of video games has come to an end and Slash, formerly of Guns N Roses said that it was inevitable. He said, "Sooner or later everyone's going to figure out that it's not even a real instrument."
Charlie Sheen is very eager to return to work sayi8ng, "Check it, it's like, I heal really quickly, but I unravel really quickly, so get me right now guys," he said as he unraveled with a nice fat line off a hookers asshole
Charlie Sheen has recently suggested that people should avoid crack cocaine UNLESS you can manage it socially. He said if you CAN manage it socially, I would definitely pursue it.
Charlie Sheen has recently suggested that people should avoid crack cocaine UNLESS you can manage it socially. He also said he avoids hookers and pornstars UNLESS they have coacine all over their backs.
The World Health Organization reports that in 2005 6.1 Liters of pure alcohol wer consumed per person. Which makes 2005 the Charlie Sheen of the last decade.
Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan have launched a new Christian TV ministry. They're calling it "Cokies for Christ."
Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan have launched a new Christian TV ministry. She said, "We were leading degrading lives before we found Christ and dedicated our lives to him," as he showed up to court in a clown suit.
President Obama has stated that he wants to have an "adult conversation" between parties about his 2011 budget. Senate Minority leade Mitch McConnell responded by saying, "bowchica-wow-wow!"
Bernie Madoff said from his prison cell that the banks had to have known he was operating a ponzi scheme. But Madoff supposed that they couldn't hear him scream it over the sound of all that burning cash.
Taxpayers paid $450,000 for an F-18 fly-over of a closed Super Bowl stadium roof. And I can see where they are coming from because they are also paying trillions of dollars for a couple of wars that they won't ever even get on DVD.
The guitar hero series of video games has come to an end and Slash, formerly of Guns N Roses said that it was inevitable. He said, "Sooner or later everyone's going to figure out that it's not even a real instrument."
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The Third Set
The winner of Simon Cowell's new game show, "The X Factor" will receive 5 million dollars. The downside: Blowing Simon Cowell.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show. Ah yes, the perfect venue and method to incite political discourse.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy who wore silver plastic hair on his head.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy who is clearly fit to hold public office.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy whose first name is composed of three. sentence. fragments.
A Washington DC area man robbed a bank and took a hostage, and was subsequently shot to death when he slipped and fell on a snowy patch of ground. Or as I would have called it, "All part my master plan!" "A perfectly excecuted suicide."
JP Morgan Chase was warned that Bernie Madoff's investment strategy was a Ponzi scheme and yet did nothing to stop it. One Chase executive claimed "We could barely hear anything over the sound of all that burning money!"
Ben Roethlesberger has claimed that his recent wild night out in Dallas was "tradition." He went on to describe his recent rape of a woman as "convention."
Ben Roethlesberger describes his recent wild night out in Dallas as "tradition". Charlie Sheen went on to say, "I love tradition (snnnniiiiffff)"
The New Kids On The Block are set to play a show with the Backstreet Boys this summer at Fenway Park in an effort to set the record for the number of times the word "Queeah" has been said in one day."
New York City is set to ban smoking in Central Park and Times Square. Part of the plan is also to extract all the Jews from New York.
The Mayor of Detroit is planning to offer homes inside the city to city employees like cops and firefighters for only $1000. And if I were the mayor of Detroit, I would do the same thing because the price of meth is through the roof. But that's just me.
The Mayor of Detroit is planning to offer homes inside the city to city employees like cops and firefighters for only $1000. His advisors were furious and one screamed, "Are you kidding me? You'll never get that much!"
Ron Paul says he is strongly considering a bid for the white house in 2012. Something he is also considering in 2012, sailing off into space with no helmet on a jetpack made of gold.
LA County officials have started passing out fliers to advise guests at raves how to take ecstasy properly. But you gotta throw em a buck or two to get the REALLY good fliers.
LA County officials have started passing out fliers to advise guests at raves how to take ecstasy properly. One can obtain these fliers in exchange for just a quick hand massage...
Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They're calling it "Just what California needs."
Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They are also devising a car that can be driven by the drunk, the high, anybody in a k hole, and just plain fuckin stupid people.
Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They are also working on creating a coffin for the living.
The Green Bay Packers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in Superbowl 45 last Sunday. In a post-game interview, losing Quarterback Ben Roethlesberger says he was feeling pretty rapey about it.
The Green Bay Packers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in Superbowl 45 last Sunday. But Pittsburgh fans came prepared for defeat choosing to dry their tears with their terrible, terrible towels.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show. Ah yes, the perfect venue and method to incite political discourse.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy who wore silver plastic hair on his head.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy who is clearly fit to hold public office.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy whose first name is composed of three. sentence. fragments.
A Washington DC area man robbed a bank and took a hostage, and was subsequently shot to death when he slipped and fell on a snowy patch of ground. Or as I would have called it, "All part my master plan!" "A perfectly excecuted suicide."
JP Morgan Chase was warned that Bernie Madoff's investment strategy was a Ponzi scheme and yet did nothing to stop it. One Chase executive claimed "We could barely hear anything over the sound of all that burning money!"
Ben Roethlesberger has claimed that his recent wild night out in Dallas was "tradition." He went on to describe his recent rape of a woman as "convention."
Ben Roethlesberger describes his recent wild night out in Dallas as "tradition". Charlie Sheen went on to say, "I love tradition (snnnniiiiffff)"
The New Kids On The Block are set to play a show with the Backstreet Boys this summer at Fenway Park in an effort to set the record for the number of times the word "Queeah" has been said in one day."
New York City is set to ban smoking in Central Park and Times Square. Part of the plan is also to extract all the Jews from New York.
The Mayor of Detroit is planning to offer homes inside the city to city employees like cops and firefighters for only $1000. And if I were the mayor of Detroit, I would do the same thing because the price of meth is through the roof. But that's just me.
The Mayor of Detroit is planning to offer homes inside the city to city employees like cops and firefighters for only $1000. His advisors were furious and one screamed, "Are you kidding me? You'll never get that much!"
Ron Paul says he is strongly considering a bid for the white house in 2012. Something he is also considering in 2012, sailing off into space with no helmet on a jetpack made of gold.
LA County officials have started passing out fliers to advise guests at raves how to take ecstasy properly. But you gotta throw em a buck or two to get the REALLY good fliers.
LA County officials have started passing out fliers to advise guests at raves how to take ecstasy properly. One can obtain these fliers in exchange for just a quick hand massage...
Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They're calling it "Just what California needs."
Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They are also devising a car that can be driven by the drunk, the high, anybody in a k hole, and just plain fuckin stupid people.
Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They are also working on creating a coffin for the living.
The Green Bay Packers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in Superbowl 45 last Sunday. In a post-game interview, losing Quarterback Ben Roethlesberger says he was feeling pretty rapey about it.
The Green Bay Packers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in Superbowl 45 last Sunday. But Pittsburgh fans came prepared for defeat choosing to dry their tears with their terrible, terrible towels.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Second Set
A study has just linked oral sex to increased levels of head and neck cancer. And that's just what happens when you smoke a lot of pole.
A study has just linked oral sex to increased levels of head and neck cancer. Men responded by saying, "That's how you know you've been doing it right."
A study reveals that a particularly emotional sports defeat can influence a person's heart health. In other news, Jay Cutler suffered a series of heart attacks this week while out WALKING AROUND.
A study reveals that a particularly emotional sports defeat can influence a person's heart health. Which just helps prove my theory that Brett Favre is actually a zombie.
A study reveals that a particularly emotional sports defeat can influence a person's heart health. While a particularly emotional sports victory can impact a person's ass health.
LeBron James says he sees no vindication in the Cleveland Cavaliers' collapse this season, as he sipped champagne in a throne and winked with a twinkle in his eye.
The African country of Malawi is preparing to making passing gas a crime. And all I can think about is how many people I could frame in Malawi.
The African country of Malawi is trying to outlaw "fouling the air". Analysts expect unsolved crimes to increase by about 10,000%
A Dallas teenager was fined $637 for swearing in her classroom. Upon receiving the ticket, she said, "Great."
Scientists have discovered that chimpanzees mourn their dead just like humans. But nobody knows how those chimps got a hold of all that booze.
Scientists have discovered that chimpanzees mourn their dead just like humans. They came to this conclusion after they witnessed a group of chimps giving another dead chimp a viking funeral.
A Boston area woman fatally stabbed her husband when she reportedly found a hickey on him. She then killed the chef and froze to death in the giant hedge maze outside of her snowbound hotel.
The national weather service has advised Chicago not to travel and to stay indoors during the coming storm. The natyional weather service has also told Chicago to clean its room, take out the garbage, and stop hanging around with that slut Minneapolis.
Anderson Cooper and his crew were attacked while reporting in Cairo. Friends say Cooper has done a real 180 on Egypt.
The TSA has revealed new "Generic Body Scanners" in airports to take more modest pictures of travelers. In response, thousands of creeps have quit the TSA.
The TSA has revealed new "Generic Body Scanners" in airports to take more modest pictures of travelers. Now TSA agents will just have to feel up the parts that they can't see.
Analysts are forecasting that the Obama re-election campaign could run a cost of up to one billion dollars. Part of Obama's strategy is to craft a cannon that will fire a million dollars a day into the sky.
The world wide web is running out of addresses to attach to websites. In related news, Godaddy's new spokesperson will be Joan Rivers.
Scientists say they have revealed the key mechanism to governing nicotine addiction. They also say they have revealed the process by which money is wasted on scientific experiments.
A South Carolina scientist is reportedly growing synthetic meat in a lab. He's doing it just to prove to his blow-up wife that he can.
The New Kids On The Block are set to play a show with the Backstreet Boys this summer at Fenway Park in an effort to set the record for the number of times the word "Queeah" has been said in one day."
A study has just linked oral sex to increased levels of head and neck cancer. Men responded by saying, "That's how you know you've been doing it right."
A study reveals that a particularly emotional sports defeat can influence a person's heart health. In other news, Jay Cutler suffered a series of heart attacks this week while out WALKING AROUND.
A study reveals that a particularly emotional sports defeat can influence a person's heart health. Which just helps prove my theory that Brett Favre is actually a zombie.
A study reveals that a particularly emotional sports defeat can influence a person's heart health. While a particularly emotional sports victory can impact a person's ass health.
LeBron James says he sees no vindication in the Cleveland Cavaliers' collapse this season, as he sipped champagne in a throne and winked with a twinkle in his eye.
The African country of Malawi is preparing to making passing gas a crime. And all I can think about is how many people I could frame in Malawi.
The African country of Malawi is trying to outlaw "fouling the air". Analysts expect unsolved crimes to increase by about 10,000%
A Dallas teenager was fined $637 for swearing in her classroom. Upon receiving the ticket, she said, "Great."
Scientists have discovered that chimpanzees mourn their dead just like humans. But nobody knows how those chimps got a hold of all that booze.
Scientists have discovered that chimpanzees mourn their dead just like humans. They came to this conclusion after they witnessed a group of chimps giving another dead chimp a viking funeral.
A Boston area woman fatally stabbed her husband when she reportedly found a hickey on him. She then killed the chef and froze to death in the giant hedge maze outside of her snowbound hotel.
The national weather service has advised Chicago not to travel and to stay indoors during the coming storm. The natyional weather service has also told Chicago to clean its room, take out the garbage, and stop hanging around with that slut Minneapolis.
Anderson Cooper and his crew were attacked while reporting in Cairo. Friends say Cooper has done a real 180 on Egypt.
The TSA has revealed new "Generic Body Scanners" in airports to take more modest pictures of travelers. In response, thousands of creeps have quit the TSA.
The TSA has revealed new "Generic Body Scanners" in airports to take more modest pictures of travelers. Now TSA agents will just have to feel up the parts that they can't see.
Analysts are forecasting that the Obama re-election campaign could run a cost of up to one billion dollars. Part of Obama's strategy is to craft a cannon that will fire a million dollars a day into the sky.
The world wide web is running out of addresses to attach to websites. In related news, Godaddy's new spokesperson will be Joan Rivers.
Scientists say they have revealed the key mechanism to governing nicotine addiction. They also say they have revealed the process by which money is wasted on scientific experiments.
A South Carolina scientist is reportedly growing synthetic meat in a lab. He's doing it just to prove to his blow-up wife that he can.
The New Kids On The Block are set to play a show with the Backstreet Boys this summer at Fenway Park in an effort to set the record for the number of times the word "Queeah" has been said in one day."
First Set
A high school student was charged with sexual battery for his use of the "butt drag," in which a wrestler grabs his opponent's butt cheeks and places his finger in the opponent's anus for leverage. Justin Beiber did, however drop the charges.
The governor of Virginia proposed closing 332 state-owned liquor stores and replace them with 1,000 private retail outlets. Drunks responded by saying, "WHAT? Oh! I love you, man."
Brett Favre's sister was arrested for being involved with a meth lab. Her plea was recorded as guilty...ehhh...not guilty...No guilty....wait wait, not guilty actually, seriously this time.
They just shook up the Zodiac and this affects the 31% of Americans that believe in that stuff. That is the same percentage of people that support Sarah Palin, weird...
So some folks in Minnesota decided that it was time to change the Zodiac signs and dates. Millions of Americans are now relieved to have been cured of Cancer.
So there's a new alignment to the Zodiac which has changed up the pickup game for a lot of men to, "What's your new sign?"
The Zodiac alignment was rearranged. Somewhere the Zodiac killer is saying, "I knew I should have carried the one!"
So a society of people who believe in nonsense decided that the parameters of the nonsense should change. As a result millions of people have been slightly irritated.
Some people in Minnesota who think they are the authority on a bunk pagan vestige have changed the dates of the Zodiac. And under the new arrangement, the Metrodome will sell out every game last year, the Vikings will win the Superbowl and Brett Favre will be named MVP...eerrrr...
A new study shows that more and more Japanese men have little to no interest in sex, a percentage that has nearly doubled in the past three years. And I understand cause where the white women at?
A surprising study shows that Japanese men and women are showing a general lack of interest in sex. Possible solution to this problem. Send me over there!
A surprising study shows that Japanese men and women are showing a general lack of interest in sex. I think my girlfriend's turning Japanese, I think she's turning Japanese, I really think so.
A surprising study shows that Japanese men and women are showing a general lack of interest in sex. So I just bought my girlfriend a ticket to Japan.
A study has declared that Jewish people are the most blissful of all religious groups. Which just proves that money can buy happiness.
Jewish people were declared the happiest religious group in a recent study that they guilted some researchers into writing.
There are reports that the governor of Hawaii cannot locate Barack Obama's birth certificate. Reports also indicate that he is very upset that he took it surfing with him.
A University of Colorado Student paid $14,300 in tuition in one dollar bills...to a stripper named Candy trying to put herself through college.
A University of Colorado Student paid $14,300 in tuition in one dollar bills. Rumor has it he made it rain on the office of student services.
A University of Colorado Student paid $14,300 in tuition in one dollar bills. In exchange, he received 57,200 quarters which got him 858,000 minutes of parking. Or two hours on 8th Avenue in New York City.
Several fabulously wealthy folks are collaborating to create the world's most expensive yacht that will cost approximately 1.1 trillion dollars and instead of a pool on board, will have its own beach. The big surprise here: No lifeguard.
Several fabulously wealthy folks are collaborating to create the world's most expensive yacht that will cost approximately 1.1 trillion dollars and will essentially be a floating city. And to kick things off, they are going to sail it from Ireland to New York City in the middle of the night.
Several fabulously wealthy folks are collaborating to create the world's most expensive yacht that will cost approximately 1.1 trillion dollars. The owners are planning on calling it "The Republican Health Care Plan."
Several fabulously wealthy folks are collaborating to create the world's most expensive yacht that will cost approximately 1.1 trillion dollars. The owners are planning on calling it "Obamacare"
Arnold Schwarzenegger said in an interview that he was "addicted to being governor". He followed up by saying his pleads for "Just one more term baby, you know I'm good for it" fell on deaf ears.
Former Governor Schwarzenegger said in an interview if he had known how hard California would be hit by the recession, he would have cut state budgets earlier. He also said he would not run for governor if he knew how unpopular he was going to become.
Arnold Schwarzenegger complained in an interview that he lost out on making 200 million dollars by being governor of California. He said this right before rocketing into the sky with a golden jetpack, presumably on a mission to punch Mona Lisa through the face.
Dick Cheney is considering a heart transplant. It would be the first time ever that he had a change of heart.
Dick Cheney is considering a heart transplant. He's looking at something a little blacker.
Dick Cheney is considering a heart transplant. Surprisingly, he's looking for a heart that is less willing to attack.
Dick Cheney has been considering a heart transplant. In his search for a willing donor, he was overheard lamenting, "Can't we find bin Laden already?"
Dick Cheney told NBC that he's currently getting by on a battery operated heart pump.
Dick Cheney is in need of a heart transplant. He said, "I'd shoot my own mother in the face for a new one."
Dick Cheney has been talking about how he might need a new heart. He went on to say, "Oooooil."
Dick Cheney is in the market for a new heart. He plans to eat it with a Sprite.
A study suggests that married couples may not understand each other because they are TOO close. This study brought to you by the NFL.
A study suggests that married couples may not understand each other because they are TOO close. Part of this study was that they were also TOO LOUD!
Blood tests from people affected by the gulf oil spill revealed alarming levels of toxic chemicals. Several hours later they were again, able to pass a breathalyzer.
A Canadian student wore a pair of $167 jeans every day for 15 months as a part of a scientific experiment. A Mexican day laborer wore a pair of 167 peso jeans every day for 15 months as part of a uniform.
Rahm Emmanuel was declared ineligible to run for Chicago mayor because he did not live there the year prior to the election. In response, Emmanuel said, "The President isn't even a citizen and you won't even give me a shot at one lousy city?"
Many prominent Republicans are not attending an RNC sponsored event because a gay rights group was invited, choosing instead to hold a meeting of their own inside of a closet.
Many prominent Republicans are not attending an RNC sponsored event because a gay rights group was invited, choosing instead to suppress their desires to attend.
The Packers and Bears faced off in the NFC championship this week and Bears QB Jay Cutler was pulled in the 3rd Quarter with a knee injury. Or as they call it in Green Bay, a whining problem.
The Packers and Bears faced off in the NFC championship this week and Bears QB Jay Cutler was pulled in the 3rd Quarter with a knee injury. Or as they call it in Green Bay, a sore butthole.
The Packers and Bears faced off in the NFC championship this week and Bears QB Jay Cutler was pulled in the 3rd Quarter with a knee injury. Brett Favre later texted Cutler a picture of his penis having mistaken him for a woman.
After Jay Cutler's disappointing performance and early exit from the NFC Championship, fans already began burning Jay Cutler jerseys in the streets, but were met with disappointment when the jersey quit burning just over halfway through.
President Obama gave his SOTU address and Democrats and Republicans sat together by state and not by party affiliation. Or if you represent Texas, by party affiliation.
President Obama gave his SOTU address and Democrats and Republicans sat together during the address. Some Republicans praised the idea saying, it'll finally give me a chance to get close enough to ask gay congressman Barney Frank out on a date. (Nancy Pelosi)
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. Tits a real shame.
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. She actually choked to death.
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. She suffocated in her sleep.
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. Friends will remember her as "that smart girl"
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. Friends will still remember her as "that girl with the huuge vagina."
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. Friends will remember her as A SLUT.
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. Friends will remember her as an easy lay.
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. Friends will always remember THE WAY SHE BLEW DICKS.
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. Friends say they will always remember the way she used to float in swimming pools.
The governor of Virginia proposed closing 332 state-owned liquor stores and replace them with 1,000 private retail outlets. Drunks responded by saying, "WHAT? Oh! I love you, man."
Brett Favre's sister was arrested for being involved with a meth lab. Her plea was recorded as guilty...ehhh...not guilty...No guilty....wait wait, not guilty actually, seriously this time.
They just shook up the Zodiac and this affects the 31% of Americans that believe in that stuff. That is the same percentage of people that support Sarah Palin, weird...
So some folks in Minnesota decided that it was time to change the Zodiac signs and dates. Millions of Americans are now relieved to have been cured of Cancer.
So there's a new alignment to the Zodiac which has changed up the pickup game for a lot of men to, "What's your new sign?"
The Zodiac alignment was rearranged. Somewhere the Zodiac killer is saying, "I knew I should have carried the one!"
So a society of people who believe in nonsense decided that the parameters of the nonsense should change. As a result millions of people have been slightly irritated.
Some people in Minnesota who think they are the authority on a bunk pagan vestige have changed the dates of the Zodiac. And under the new arrangement, the Metrodome will sell out every game last year, the Vikings will win the Superbowl and Brett Favre will be named MVP...eerrrr...
A new study shows that more and more Japanese men have little to no interest in sex, a percentage that has nearly doubled in the past three years. And I understand cause where the white women at?
A surprising study shows that Japanese men and women are showing a general lack of interest in sex. Possible solution to this problem. Send me over there!
A surprising study shows that Japanese men and women are showing a general lack of interest in sex. I think my girlfriend's turning Japanese, I think she's turning Japanese, I really think so.
A surprising study shows that Japanese men and women are showing a general lack of interest in sex. So I just bought my girlfriend a ticket to Japan.
A study has declared that Jewish people are the most blissful of all religious groups. Which just proves that money can buy happiness.
Jewish people were declared the happiest religious group in a recent study that they guilted some researchers into writing.
There are reports that the governor of Hawaii cannot locate Barack Obama's birth certificate. Reports also indicate that he is very upset that he took it surfing with him.
A University of Colorado Student paid $14,300 in tuition in one dollar bills...to a stripper named Candy trying to put herself through college.
A University of Colorado Student paid $14,300 in tuition in one dollar bills. Rumor has it he made it rain on the office of student services.
A University of Colorado Student paid $14,300 in tuition in one dollar bills. In exchange, he received 57,200 quarters which got him 858,000 minutes of parking. Or two hours on 8th Avenue in New York City.
Several fabulously wealthy folks are collaborating to create the world's most expensive yacht that will cost approximately 1.1 trillion dollars and instead of a pool on board, will have its own beach. The big surprise here: No lifeguard.
Several fabulously wealthy folks are collaborating to create the world's most expensive yacht that will cost approximately 1.1 trillion dollars and will essentially be a floating city. And to kick things off, they are going to sail it from Ireland to New York City in the middle of the night.
Several fabulously wealthy folks are collaborating to create the world's most expensive yacht that will cost approximately 1.1 trillion dollars. The owners are planning on calling it "The Republican Health Care Plan."
Several fabulously wealthy folks are collaborating to create the world's most expensive yacht that will cost approximately 1.1 trillion dollars. The owners are planning on calling it "Obamacare"
Arnold Schwarzenegger said in an interview that he was "addicted to being governor". He followed up by saying his pleads for "Just one more term baby, you know I'm good for it" fell on deaf ears.
Former Governor Schwarzenegger said in an interview if he had known how hard California would be hit by the recession, he would have cut state budgets earlier. He also said he would not run for governor if he knew how unpopular he was going to become.
Arnold Schwarzenegger complained in an interview that he lost out on making 200 million dollars by being governor of California. He said this right before rocketing into the sky with a golden jetpack, presumably on a mission to punch Mona Lisa through the face.
Dick Cheney is considering a heart transplant. It would be the first time ever that he had a change of heart.
Dick Cheney is considering a heart transplant. He's looking at something a little blacker.
Dick Cheney is considering a heart transplant. Surprisingly, he's looking for a heart that is less willing to attack.
Dick Cheney has been considering a heart transplant. In his search for a willing donor, he was overheard lamenting, "Can't we find bin Laden already?"
Dick Cheney told NBC that he's currently getting by on a battery operated heart pump.
Dick Cheney is in need of a heart transplant. He said, "I'd shoot my own mother in the face for a new one."
Dick Cheney has been talking about how he might need a new heart. He went on to say, "Oooooil."
Dick Cheney is in the market for a new heart. He plans to eat it with a Sprite.
A study suggests that married couples may not understand each other because they are TOO close. This study brought to you by the NFL.
A study suggests that married couples may not understand each other because they are TOO close. Part of this study was that they were also TOO LOUD!
Blood tests from people affected by the gulf oil spill revealed alarming levels of toxic chemicals. Several hours later they were again, able to pass a breathalyzer.
A Canadian student wore a pair of $167 jeans every day for 15 months as a part of a scientific experiment. A Mexican day laborer wore a pair of 167 peso jeans every day for 15 months as part of a uniform.
Rahm Emmanuel was declared ineligible to run for Chicago mayor because he did not live there the year prior to the election. In response, Emmanuel said, "The President isn't even a citizen and you won't even give me a shot at one lousy city?"
Many prominent Republicans are not attending an RNC sponsored event because a gay rights group was invited, choosing instead to hold a meeting of their own inside of a closet.
Many prominent Republicans are not attending an RNC sponsored event because a gay rights group was invited, choosing instead to suppress their desires to attend.
The Packers and Bears faced off in the NFC championship this week and Bears QB Jay Cutler was pulled in the 3rd Quarter with a knee injury. Or as they call it in Green Bay, a whining problem.
The Packers and Bears faced off in the NFC championship this week and Bears QB Jay Cutler was pulled in the 3rd Quarter with a knee injury. Or as they call it in Green Bay, a sore butthole.
The Packers and Bears faced off in the NFC championship this week and Bears QB Jay Cutler was pulled in the 3rd Quarter with a knee injury. Brett Favre later texted Cutler a picture of his penis having mistaken him for a woman.
After Jay Cutler's disappointing performance and early exit from the NFC Championship, fans already began burning Jay Cutler jerseys in the streets, but were met with disappointment when the jersey quit burning just over halfway through.
President Obama gave his SOTU address and Democrats and Republicans sat together by state and not by party affiliation. Or if you represent Texas, by party affiliation.
President Obama gave his SOTU address and Democrats and Republicans sat together during the address. Some Republicans praised the idea saying, it'll finally give me a chance to get close enough to ask gay congressman Barney Frank out on a date. (Nancy Pelosi)
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. Tits a real shame.
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. She actually choked to death.
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. She suffocated in her sleep.
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. Friends will remember her as "that smart girl"
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. Friends will still remember her as "that girl with the huuge vagina."
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. Friends will remember her as A SLUT.
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. Friends will remember her as an easy lay.
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. Friends will always remember THE WAY SHE BLEW DICKS.
A German porn star died after undergoing her 6th breast augmentation surgery. Friends say they will always remember the way she used to float in swimming pools.
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