A Chinese man has apparently had a knife stuck in his head for FOUR YEARS. When contacted for comment he said, "Duuuh I had a four year headache..."
A Chinese man has apparently had a knife stuck in his head for FOUR YEARS. He said the last thing he remembers was hanging out with Charlie Sheen.
A man was stabbed to death after an auto corrected text led to a misunderstanding. Apparently he sent the text, "Kill you marry me?"
Videos of people performing self-mutilation on you-tube are taking off in front of thousands of viewers. This is what happens when you don't let Charlie Sheen go back to work.
After playing a prank that he shaved his head, Justin Bieber is actually cutting his hair. This is news because Justin Bieber now has pubic hair to cut.
President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad has condemned the protester slayings in Libya calling the government's actions there "unimaginable." He went on to say, "It's ridiculous, they're not even killing any gays of Jews. Jeeeez!"
President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad has condemned the protester slayings in Libya calling the government's actions there "unimaginable." He then said, "Wait, wait, I mean to say AWESOME!"
Lindsay Lohan will not get out of having stolen a necklace without spending six months in jail. But we all know the prison time is really for being a coke whore.
Lindsay Lohan showed up to court in a fairly skimpy white dress and claimed "I was trying to dress conservative damnit!" She went on to say, "You could barely even see my snatch!"
Rihanna has allowed her restraining order against Chris Brown to expire. Critics expect this to be a hit with Chris Brown.
A fight broke out at a Massachusetts Denny's when there was a disagreement about syrup. And as a non participant of that fight, I say, "sweet."
A moviegoer was killed in a screening of Black Swan over a popcorn scuffle. To be fair, it was pretty gross that he was masturbating into the popcorn.
Seventeen Baltimore cops were charged in a scheme over towing people's cars. I tried to reach a few of them for comment, but I was preoccupied trying to figure out where my car went.
Republican Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin responded to a prank call and unveiled sordid information about his desire to crush unions and collective bargaining. The call ended abruptly when Walker left the phone off the hook to go catch his refrigerator.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The Fourth Set
According to the dating site OKCupid, beer drinkers are more likely to have sex on a first date. The reason for this: Supreme intelligence.
Charlie Sheen is very eager to return to work sayi8ng, "Check it, it's like, I heal really quickly, but I unravel really quickly, so get me right now guys," he said as he unraveled with a nice fat line off a hookers asshole
Charlie Sheen has recently suggested that people should avoid crack cocaine UNLESS you can manage it socially. He said if you CAN manage it socially, I would definitely pursue it.
Charlie Sheen has recently suggested that people should avoid crack cocaine UNLESS you can manage it socially. He also said he avoids hookers and pornstars UNLESS they have coacine all over their backs.
The World Health Organization reports that in 2005 6.1 Liters of pure alcohol wer consumed per person. Which makes 2005 the Charlie Sheen of the last decade.
Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan have launched a new Christian TV ministry. They're calling it "Cokies for Christ."
Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan have launched a new Christian TV ministry. She said, "We were leading degrading lives before we found Christ and dedicated our lives to him," as he showed up to court in a clown suit.
President Obama has stated that he wants to have an "adult conversation" between parties about his 2011 budget. Senate Minority leade Mitch McConnell responded by saying, "bowchica-wow-wow!"
Bernie Madoff said from his prison cell that the banks had to have known he was operating a ponzi scheme. But Madoff supposed that they couldn't hear him scream it over the sound of all that burning cash.
Taxpayers paid $450,000 for an F-18 fly-over of a closed Super Bowl stadium roof. And I can see where they are coming from because they are also paying trillions of dollars for a couple of wars that they won't ever even get on DVD.
The guitar hero series of video games has come to an end and Slash, formerly of Guns N Roses said that it was inevitable. He said, "Sooner or later everyone's going to figure out that it's not even a real instrument."
Charlie Sheen is very eager to return to work sayi8ng, "Check it, it's like, I heal really quickly, but I unravel really quickly, so get me right now guys," he said as he unraveled with a nice fat line off a hookers asshole
Charlie Sheen has recently suggested that people should avoid crack cocaine UNLESS you can manage it socially. He said if you CAN manage it socially, I would definitely pursue it.
Charlie Sheen has recently suggested that people should avoid crack cocaine UNLESS you can manage it socially. He also said he avoids hookers and pornstars UNLESS they have coacine all over their backs.
The World Health Organization reports that in 2005 6.1 Liters of pure alcohol wer consumed per person. Which makes 2005 the Charlie Sheen of the last decade.
Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan have launched a new Christian TV ministry. They're calling it "Cokies for Christ."
Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan have launched a new Christian TV ministry. She said, "We were leading degrading lives before we found Christ and dedicated our lives to him," as he showed up to court in a clown suit.
President Obama has stated that he wants to have an "adult conversation" between parties about his 2011 budget. Senate Minority leade Mitch McConnell responded by saying, "bowchica-wow-wow!"
Bernie Madoff said from his prison cell that the banks had to have known he was operating a ponzi scheme. But Madoff supposed that they couldn't hear him scream it over the sound of all that burning cash.
Taxpayers paid $450,000 for an F-18 fly-over of a closed Super Bowl stadium roof. And I can see where they are coming from because they are also paying trillions of dollars for a couple of wars that they won't ever even get on DVD.
The guitar hero series of video games has come to an end and Slash, formerly of Guns N Roses said that it was inevitable. He said, "Sooner or later everyone's going to figure out that it's not even a real instrument."
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The Third Set
The winner of Simon Cowell's new game show, "The X Factor" will receive 5 million dollars. The downside: Blowing Simon Cowell.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show. Ah yes, the perfect venue and method to incite political discourse.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy who wore silver plastic hair on his head.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy who is clearly fit to hold public office.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy whose first name is composed of three. sentence. fragments.
A Washington DC area man robbed a bank and took a hostage, and was subsequently shot to death when he slipped and fell on a snowy patch of ground. Or as I would have called it, "All part my master plan!" "A perfectly excecuted suicide."
JP Morgan Chase was warned that Bernie Madoff's investment strategy was a Ponzi scheme and yet did nothing to stop it. One Chase executive claimed "We could barely hear anything over the sound of all that burning money!"
Ben Roethlesberger has claimed that his recent wild night out in Dallas was "tradition." He went on to describe his recent rape of a woman as "convention."
Ben Roethlesberger describes his recent wild night out in Dallas as "tradition". Charlie Sheen went on to say, "I love tradition (snnnniiiiffff)"
The New Kids On The Block are set to play a show with the Backstreet Boys this summer at Fenway Park in an effort to set the record for the number of times the word "Queeah" has been said in one day."
New York City is set to ban smoking in Central Park and Times Square. Part of the plan is also to extract all the Jews from New York.
The Mayor of Detroit is planning to offer homes inside the city to city employees like cops and firefighters for only $1000. And if I were the mayor of Detroit, I would do the same thing because the price of meth is through the roof. But that's just me.
The Mayor of Detroit is planning to offer homes inside the city to city employees like cops and firefighters for only $1000. His advisors were furious and one screamed, "Are you kidding me? You'll never get that much!"
Ron Paul says he is strongly considering a bid for the white house in 2012. Something he is also considering in 2012, sailing off into space with no helmet on a jetpack made of gold.
LA County officials have started passing out fliers to advise guests at raves how to take ecstasy properly. But you gotta throw em a buck or two to get the REALLY good fliers.
LA County officials have started passing out fliers to advise guests at raves how to take ecstasy properly. One can obtain these fliers in exchange for just a quick hand massage...
Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They're calling it "Just what California needs."
Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They are also devising a car that can be driven by the drunk, the high, anybody in a k hole, and just plain fuckin stupid people.
Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They are also working on creating a coffin for the living.
The Green Bay Packers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in Superbowl 45 last Sunday. In a post-game interview, losing Quarterback Ben Roethlesberger says he was feeling pretty rapey about it.
The Green Bay Packers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in Superbowl 45 last Sunday. But Pittsburgh fans came prepared for defeat choosing to dry their tears with their terrible, terrible towels.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show. Ah yes, the perfect venue and method to incite political discourse.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy who wore silver plastic hair on his head.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy who is clearly fit to hold public office.
Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy whose first name is composed of three. sentence. fragments.
A Washington DC area man robbed a bank and took a hostage, and was subsequently shot to death when he slipped and fell on a snowy patch of ground. Or as I would have called it, "All part my master plan!" "A perfectly excecuted suicide."
JP Morgan Chase was warned that Bernie Madoff's investment strategy was a Ponzi scheme and yet did nothing to stop it. One Chase executive claimed "We could barely hear anything over the sound of all that burning money!"
Ben Roethlesberger has claimed that his recent wild night out in Dallas was "tradition." He went on to describe his recent rape of a woman as "convention."
Ben Roethlesberger describes his recent wild night out in Dallas as "tradition". Charlie Sheen went on to say, "I love tradition (snnnniiiiffff)"
The New Kids On The Block are set to play a show with the Backstreet Boys this summer at Fenway Park in an effort to set the record for the number of times the word "Queeah" has been said in one day."
New York City is set to ban smoking in Central Park and Times Square. Part of the plan is also to extract all the Jews from New York.
The Mayor of Detroit is planning to offer homes inside the city to city employees like cops and firefighters for only $1000. And if I were the mayor of Detroit, I would do the same thing because the price of meth is through the roof. But that's just me.
The Mayor of Detroit is planning to offer homes inside the city to city employees like cops and firefighters for only $1000. His advisors were furious and one screamed, "Are you kidding me? You'll never get that much!"
Ron Paul says he is strongly considering a bid for the white house in 2012. Something he is also considering in 2012, sailing off into space with no helmet on a jetpack made of gold.
LA County officials have started passing out fliers to advise guests at raves how to take ecstasy properly. But you gotta throw em a buck or two to get the REALLY good fliers.
LA County officials have started passing out fliers to advise guests at raves how to take ecstasy properly. One can obtain these fliers in exchange for just a quick hand massage...
Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They're calling it "Just what California needs."
Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They are also devising a car that can be driven by the drunk, the high, anybody in a k hole, and just plain fuckin stupid people.
Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They are also working on creating a coffin for the living.
The Green Bay Packers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in Superbowl 45 last Sunday. In a post-game interview, losing Quarterback Ben Roethlesberger says he was feeling pretty rapey about it.
The Green Bay Packers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in Superbowl 45 last Sunday. But Pittsburgh fans came prepared for defeat choosing to dry their tears with their terrible, terrible towels.
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