The Third Set

The winner of Simon Cowell's new game show, "The X Factor" will receive 5 million dollars. The downside: Blowing Simon Cowell.

Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show. Ah yes, the perfect venue and method to incite political discourse.

Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy who wore silver plastic hair on his head.

Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy who is clearly fit to hold public office.

Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas addressed President Obama in song during the Superbowl Halftime show, telling him to educate the kids and create more jobs. Sage political advice from a guy whose first name is composed of three. sentence. fragments.

A Washington DC area man robbed a bank and took a hostage, and was subsequently shot to death when he slipped and fell on a snowy patch of ground. Or as I would have called it, "All part my master plan!" "A perfectly excecuted suicide."

JP Morgan Chase was warned that Bernie Madoff's investment strategy was a Ponzi scheme and yet did nothing to stop it. One Chase executive claimed "We could barely hear anything over the sound of all that burning money!"

Ben Roethlesberger has claimed that his recent wild night out in Dallas was "tradition." He went on to describe his recent rape of a woman as "convention."

Ben Roethlesberger describes his recent wild night out in Dallas as "tradition". Charlie Sheen went on to say, "I love tradition (snnnniiiiffff)"

The New Kids On The Block are set to play a show with the Backstreet Boys this summer at Fenway Park in an effort to set the record for the number of times the word "Queeah" has been said in one day."

New York City is set to ban smoking in Central Park and Times Square. Part of the plan is also to extract all the Jews from New York.

The Mayor of Detroit is planning to offer homes inside the city to city employees like cops and firefighters for only $1000. And if I were the mayor of Detroit, I would do the same thing because the price of meth is through the roof. But that's just me.

The Mayor of Detroit is planning to offer homes inside the city to city employees like cops and firefighters for only $1000. His advisors were furious and one screamed, "Are you kidding me? You'll never get that much!"

Ron Paul says he is strongly considering a bid for the white house in 2012. Something he is also considering in 2012, sailing off into space with no helmet on a jetpack made of gold.

LA County officials have started passing out fliers to advise guests at raves how to take ecstasy properly. But you gotta throw em a buck or two to get the REALLY good fliers.

LA County officials have started passing out fliers to advise guests at raves how to take ecstasy properly. One can obtain these fliers in exchange for just a quick hand massage...

Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They're calling it "Just what California needs."

Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They are also devising a car that can be driven by the drunk, the high, anybody in a k hole, and just plain fuckin stupid people.

Researchers are apparently developing a car that can be driven by the blind. They are also working on creating a coffin for the living.

The Green Bay Packers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in Superbowl 45 last Sunday. In a post-game interview, losing Quarterback Ben Roethlesberger says he was feeling pretty rapey about it.

The Green Bay Packers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in Superbowl 45 last Sunday. But Pittsburgh fans came prepared for defeat choosing to dry their tears with their terrible, terrible towels.